Reporter/Mid-wife

Long time, no blog... but wait, I have an explanation, and I'm going to make it up to you right here.

I've had my mind on something for the last 9 months or so that has had me occupied. I have never mentioned it on this blog.

Know why? You don't say "Shutout" in the third period, that's why.

I am the proud father of a brand new baby boy, Noah Kent Kanayuk-Driscoll. He was born in the early hours of October 28th, and weighed 9 pounds, 9 ounces. The circumstances of his birth are what I want to explain here, because it is a story he will be hearing on his birthday for the rest of my life.

Contractions started early on October 28th, but didn't take long to take hold. They didn't have consistent timing, one would be short, then long... not at all like what television dramas have taught me.

After they started, my lovely partner woke me up and said "It's time." She didn't have to add "Get up" because the words "It's time" were the best alarm clock I ever needed.

Click here to see another blog entry featuring my lovely partner, she doesn't often let me include her in this thing, and this is a classic.


My Lovely Partner Does Not Like Bees [Photo courtesy of the many Inuit people who really don't like bugs from the South]

If it is the middle of the morning, and you are about to have a baby, what do you do? Call Inflatable Elvis. [That was supposed to be sarcastic, but take a look at the role he plays in the rest of this story, that isn't a bad idea at all. Put his phone number next to the phone].


Inflatable Elvis [File photo courtesy of The Springfield Shopper]

I.E. -- known as @FrozenGrapes on Twitter -- was our first choice, because the two boys love him. The way I described his duties to him was, "I don't care if you give them chocolate cake at 3:00 am. Let it be a party for them. Just keep them in one piece." We knew that if they woke up in the middle of the night, they wouldn't spaz out, they would demand to be lifted in the air , or a vicious Connect 4 rematch (The Boy once beat him 4-2 in a best of seven).

He arrived soon after, and things had changed in our connected kitchen/living room. Those contractions were not just timed weird, they were coming quickly. My lovely partner was facing our kitchen island which divides the kitchen from the living room, with both of her hands braced on the counter.

Her: "I don't think we have time."

Me: "Should we call the ambulance?"

Her: "YES!"

I start to fumble with the phone, and call the first number that comes to my head, the RCMP emergency number, 979-1111 (get it, 9-1111). They tell me, "We don't take ambulance calls."

I asked for the ambulance number and got it. Just over 30,000 people in the territory, we could probably figure out 911, or at least call forward. I'm just sayin'.

For future reference, the magic number is 979-4422. Tell them I sent you.

A brief aside, twice in the last year we have had to have the Iqaluit paramedics come to our place. Twice I have been knocked out by their professionalism. Big ups to IQFD from these parts.

The phone starts ringing, and IE takes it, as he knows our address and I had more pressing issues. Soon, so did he.

Who comes strolling down the hall but The Boy. The Boy has been a character in many of these blog references, but for those who don't know him, he is 9 years-old with a very creative bent to him, and oddly mature in some ways.

He is his younger brother's hero and counts my beers at restaurants. He accidentally and without malice messes with Conservative Party photo ops, and greets everyone with warmth. He met Jack Layton and said, "I've seen you on TV." I grab his neck like Homer Simpson and he fakes all the choking and shaking himself... as I say "Why you little...."

We used to tease him and call him The Mayor because he knew everyone in town, until he told us, "I don't want to be the Mayor, I want to be a racecar driver."


Not The Mayor, The Boy [The Boy does not endorse any one political party, he just likes people he has seen on TV]

The entire time we were expecting, he kept asking to go to the hospital to see the baby born.

"Man, you'd get freaked out," says I.

"I would not get freaked out," he would retort, in a solemn way.

He was getting his chance, and he shone. With IE, they did all the things you would see in those dramatic television programs. They grabbed blankets and sheets... they would have even boiled water if they had time.

The phone safely in the hands of our team, I turn to my lovely partner. She says, "CATCH HIM."

I look over to see that she has removed her pants, and that a bump that looks suspiciously like a baby's head is emerging from the pelvic region.

I say, "LIE DOWN!"

She says, "I CAN'T!"

So, I get on my knees and reach up, placing the middle of my arm under Noah's head. As he came out, I gently slid my arm toward myself, supporting his body with my forearm and thigh, until he is lying on my thigh face down.

Silence.

I scoop out the fluid from his nose and mouth.

LOUD CRY.

About a minute later, my lovely partner is laughing out loud, standing over me but reaching down in a sort of hug, with me crouched next to the baby on the floor. She starts laughing and says, "We did it! We really did it!" We all laugh, in relief. "I love you"'s all around.


According to the nurses, the largest baby ever born at home by accident in Iqaluit [Photo Courtesy of Unofficial City Records]

First question people ask me about that moment is, "Were you scared?" I really wasn't. Neither was she. We both went into crisis mode, just get from one step to the next. The fear didn't hit us until we were safe in the hospital, about an hour after getting there. Then we got scared about what could have happened.

The paramedics arrive, and get to work. They turn to me and ask, "Would you like to cut the cord?"

I was glad to still not be scared, and I asked, "Can he?" Over comes The Boy, and he cuts the cord to his little brother. The Boy does not freak out in the face of childbirth.

When I brought him to school the next morning, we told his teacher about the adventure he had. She said he should tell the whole class. He answered, "Maybe it could be on the announcements?" That's The Boy.

Our 2 year-old -- I don't like to use their real names online. The Boy is 9, The Big Boy is 2, The Baby is 0 months old as The Boy likes to say -- slept through the entire thing. Everyone did their part, he did the best thing he could have possibly done.


The Big Boy Can Sleep Through Anything [Photo Courtesy of Middle Children Opposed to being left out of Anything, Despite Sleeping Through it]

That is the story. It spread around our tiny town very quickly, and people have been giving me congrats ever since. You know what hardly anyone does? Gives my lovely partner credit. As she puts it, "You know, I did do most of the work." Agreed. All I did was make a nice catch.

The next day, we all visited at the hospital, and of course there are pictures.


My Lovely Partner With The Baby [Photo Courtesy of Inflatable Elvis]

You only wish you looked that good 6 hours after giving birth.


The Boy and The Baby [Photo Courtesy of Brotherly Love]

When it is your family, you don't think sometimes, you just do. I'm just happy I made the catch. I am adding a title to my name, I am now a Reporter/Mid-wife. For my next medical procedure, I think I could move up try an emergency appendix removal...

Need some help

Can't talk, gotta work. Help me now.

Need to know how much a turkey costs per kilogram in your neck of the woods.

You will see your hard work on the show tonight.

Don't just sit there, DO MY JOB FOR ME.

Love is Love
Kent

No Easy Layups

My beloved Raptors are in Ottawa for training camp, with only three players still in place from last year's roster. Considering last year, that is most welcome. However; the new players may not have a sense of Raptors history, which is the subject of this here blog post.

Rasho, you are an old new face, you can skip this.

There are three players in the league who can never receive an easy layup at the ACC. Only three. Thing is, your first two home games feature 2 of those guys, so here is a primer on the No Easy Layup list for the Toronto Raptors home games.



Vince Carter: Crybaby Vince. I'm going to take my ball and go home Vince. My mother makes comments for me in the press Vince Carter. Vince Carter demanded a trade out loud, reducing his trade value to next to nothing. He made statements about the city, the franchise and his teammates. He is public enemy number 1. I was sitting in a hotel room in Winnipeg last year when he killed us in overtime with that reverse dunk, felt like puking. Fans boo him in Toronto before he gets off the bus, and every time he touches the ball, and he earned it. Other stars have left and do not get booed, Tracy McGrady doesn't get attacked while touching the ball. VC is special, don't forget it. He gave up on the team, here is what he said, when asked if he tried to play hard after deciding eh wanted a trade, "In years past, no. I was fortunate to have the talent. You get spoiled when you're able to do a lot of things. You see that you don't have to work at it."



Kevin Garnett: For KG, the "No Easy Layup" decree should spread all over the league. Last year he got so close to CB4 during a posession that his chin was actually resting on Bosh's chest. I think Bosh should have knocked his shining head clean off, but CB4 is a man of peace. He got involved in a taunting incident with Jose Calderon during that game. Earlier in the season, with the game in hand, the Celtics pulled an alley-oop dunk on the Raps while they were running out the clock. It was so low rent that Triano took a meaningless timeout to display his anger. Better extend that no Easy Lay Up rule to the entire roster of Celtics.



Shaquille O'Neal: Last year he called Bosh "the Ru-Paul of big men", and stole a television show from Canadian Steve Nash. Considering his age, his mouth is writing checks his body can't cash. Pheneomal dancer or not, there must be no easy lay ups for O'Neal in Toronto.

See, these are the special cases. Antonio Davis was afraid of the metric system, but no one booed him. No one boos TJ Ford, or Jermaine O'Neal, and both are former Raps who could have been more successful in their time there. Even if Bosh decides to sign somewhere else, I won't boo him, he has to make a business decision. As long as he doesn't demand a trade, thereby reducing his trade value, all is well.

The above three, no easy lay-ups. Those are the rules of the ACC.

#Iqualuit

As you can tell from the sidebar, I may have been a late adopter of Twitter, but it is a journalistic tool that I have embraced fully... even though I just got my glass house shattered.

For a few weeks now, we have been tracking stories with obvious mistakes about Nunavut with the hashtag #Iqualuit. I'm sure you all remember that typo from the Prime Minister's visit here.

Iqaluit means place of many fish. Iqualuit means a particular form of bad personal hygeine that results in a poop odour. Typos about Nunavut match quite nicely with that description, so we tag them #Iqualuit.

Our local National Broadcaster had Nunavut as Nunavet for a few minutes online today, and when it is the local National Broadcaster, the #Iqualuit is even better. Nothing like taking a good shot at your professional friends.

Then, an hour later, the national broadcaster I work for made the same mistake in a Tweet. Nunavet, not Nunavut.... after I had just Tweeted about the others mistake.

As you can imagine, I am now surrounded by the remnants of my glass house. Humility is a lesson I learn over and over and over again.

But, despite that, I still love Twitter. Where else can you crack jokes about having to play the Celtics with Reggie Evans himself? Where else can I get the guys who run Raptors TV to use my suggestions for interviews? Where else can I find out that The Fat Boys are trying to get back together?

I'll clean up a little glass for that.

Want my vote?

Iqaluit City Council holds their election on October 19th, and there are 21 candidates for council, and a 1 on 1 battle for the Mayor's Chain of Office.

This election will generate very little interest outside of the territory, so the odds of me having to report on it are slim, so I feel like I can say what I think and not give off any perception of bias in my work.

I've lived here in Iqaluit for four years, and here is my short multi-part plan about what I would like to see from a City Council. The people who agree to do the most from these notes will be the people getting my vote.

Ahhhhhh, democracy.

1 - Stand in between the hair studio and IBC, and draw a line about 300 meters in any direction. Turn that line into a circle, with a radius of 300 m. What is inside that circle? Some business, some offices, and lots and lots of residential apartments. What isn't there? A park for the many children who live around those parts (the little gym set by Inuksagate doesn't count, the baby is almost 2 and he's outgrown that tiny thing). Look at the pile of construction stuff behind the Navigator... good luck, you usually can't see it because it is covered with children using it as a jungle gym. That part of town needs a park, badly.

2 - From the 4 Corners to the intersection just past Joamie school, that road is a mess. Potholes you could go cave diving in, and very few street lights. With people dodging the potholes and the dim lighting, it is hard to see pedestrians, and there are always lots on that stretch.

3 - We need a pool. Last election, there was a vote on getting a loan to build a great new recreation center. Problem was, only rate-payers (read: home owners, not renters) were allowed to vote. The pool was narrowly defeated. When it is working, go to the pool on a weekend. You will see more kids there from families who rent than kids of home owners. We should have a new pool, and EVERYONE in town deserves a vote on it.

4 - Go out past Driving Force and view our unplanned ad hoc vehicle graveyard. This must go, and there must be measures put in place to make sure that it never happens again. It is an eyesore and an environmental hazard.

5 - Loose dirt is not natural in Nunavut. Go on the land, there is grass everywhere.... just not in town. I would like to see a by-law requiring anyone building anything has to plant grass when they are done, or those awesome purple flowers, or anything to keep the dust down. Contractors should also have to fence in their site if it is too big.

6 - We need a City subsidzed bus system, from Apex to the airport. Nothing fancy, just a bus that goes back and forth, from 8 am to 6 pm.

That is it. Six points. Candidates who come closest to this vision (and offer to build me that bloody park so I don't have to haul the kids up to Joamie School every time they want to hit the slide) will receive one of my 8 votes for City Council.

I'm just happy I have 21 choices for council. Democracy ceases to thrive when people do not participate. They bothered to run, now you get out and vote.

Gear pigs

Along with our new reporter -- well, actually trailing behind a few days being shipped via cargo -- was some new gear for the TV stuff. If you have ever known TV people (TVmiut?) you know their desperate love of all gear.

I got the few small things I wanted. My mic needed a new mic flag, got that. I needed a reflector to keep the shadows off my face when I'm doing stand-ups, got that. (Before anyone snickers about vain television folks, you try talking at length in front of a live camera while having to face the sun directly, you go blind and squint, looks awful).

We also got some soundproofing to develop a sound booth of sorts. Helps reflect the sound and creates a richer tone. I love to use my voice as a storytelling tool, from excited to sombre, so that made me happy. Then, I start looking around..... we don't really have much room for a soundbooth.

Except......

We have a small bathroom in our office, and because our office is a converted apartment, that bathroom has a shower. All we use the shower for is "storage" (basically, the boxes that everything ever came in). Bingo.

We are going to run a sound cable from the studio to the small bathroom (through pre-existing wire holes in the walls) and convert the shower into the most badass little sound booth you have ever seen.

There will be pictures when we are done.

Because it Worked Part II

No, this is not a triumphant post praising all of you for finding me a new house. You haven't yet. Not even a nibble. I am disappointed in you all, you all should be ashamed of yourselves, not doing my work for me.

On that subject (doing my work for me), here is another good idea I ripped off.

When we started this bureau here in Nunavut, my co-worker at the time (who can now be seen on another channel in another city) made up a fax with all the information you need to get in touch with our bureau. Then she faxed it to every municipal fax machine in the territory.

It worked. We got phone calls for months. And now I have a new reporter in this office, and we haven't done the mass faxing in a year and a half, so we are doing it again. Why? Because it Worked, and I like to take good ideas and use them over again.

So, if you have a Nunavut story that needs to be on APTN National News, you can contact us here at (all @ and . changed to text to frustrate info trollers)

kdriscoll -- at -- aptn -- dot -- ca
wrivers -- at -- aptn -- dot -- ca
Phone: 867-979-2907 or 2063
Fax: 867-979-1749
Twitter @kentofthenorth

Because it worked

Long time, no blog. Don't worry, as soon as September rolls around, I'll be back up on this here thing.

I'm all for ripping off a good idea. For example, I saw one of our reporters a few months back having trouble getting a comment. She showed a shot of her knocking on their door and them not answering. Very effective, so much so that I wrote her and told her that I will rip it off at the first opportunity. It was a compliment.

So now I'm going to rip off another local blogger. Kate Nova needed a new apartment, and went to her blog to find it. It worked.

We are looking for a new place to live too. Nothing as dramatic as Kate's threatened homelessness, just want some more space for the boys to bounce off the walls in.

We want to get a house this time out, but have no real desire to own one, so I am turning to you dear readers.

If you know of anyone looking to rent a house in the Iqaluit area, who would like to rent it to a dual-income family of professionals with incredibly good looking children, let me know.

There will be a prize for the person who finds us our new digs... a small prize (scans the office for something approriate).. a prize pack consisting of an APTN HD fridge magnet, one of our limited edition APTN plastic bracelets, two APTN pens and an APTN lapel pin... in other words, stuff I'm supposed to be giving away anyway.

Copy this and send it to your friends who might have something in mind. Make it viral, use the awesome power of the internet to save me from having to make a modicum of effort.

Starbury Part II

Strange days my friends, strange days. Tried to check in on our friend Starbury (and I am ordering a set of those low budget shoes he makes, maybe three, one for me, one for The Boy and one for The baby.... that is still under $45) and things are afoot.

Went to the website he has been hosting from, and saw this:



So, Marbury must be good for business, "no dickering".

Then check out his Tweets (I feel dirty just writing that, Tweet).:

From -- @starburymarbury:

A lot of people where asking for a hot line number. Well here it is. Call me anytime. Love is love. I love you more then you know 9179237775

How would you like to see a movie on starburyTV staring your favorite actor. Man that would be a vision to see wouldn't it..

ESPN did not show up but TMZ did. They can't capture the moment because the tell lies I'm going to show you the clip where they do. Trust.

So, I'm calling Starbury today. He claims that is his real phone number and all. I'm just wondering what to ask him....

Starbury loses his mind live

EDITED TO ADD: Everyone seems to think that he is descending into madness. I don't, I think he has a bizarre sense of hunour, and he makes me laugh. Starbury is not hurting anyone, let him randomly endorse Ritz crackers, can't hurt.

Watch live video from starburytv on Justin.tv

In that box is NBA player Stephon Marbury AKA Starbury. According to Wikipedia, he " was an NBA All-Star in 2001 and 2003 and was voted into the All-NBA Third Team in 2000 and 2003."

That my friends, is less than a third of the story.

In 1999, he demanded a trade out of Minnesota.

He played for the only American Olympic team to lose a gold medal, but he did set a team record scoring 31 individual points.

After getting kicked off the Knicks for being a bad teammate, he was called the most reviled figure in New York Sports. He also got in a fist fight with the team's coach, and threatened to blackmail that coach. That coach was eventually forced to settle a $5 million case with a former employee over sexual harassment.

He was banned from New York Knicks things, so he bought himself a halfcourt ticket for a Knicks game in LA, and texted through the entire thing.

He also put out an affordable line of shoes for poor kids. The shoes cost $14.98, a hell of a lot cheaper than Air Jordans.

Now to the box of Starbury himself up there. He is broadcasting his life online now... according to the New York Times he has:

¶On leaving the Knicks: “My job wasn’t taken. It was given to Chris Duhon. Don’t get it twisted. And that’s no disrespect to Duhon either.”

¶On philanthropy: “I’m going to set up a foundation for the world. I’m going to take the money and start building cities all over the world. I’m a comet. My man told me I’m a comet. I said, ‘I’m a comet?’ ”

¶On Jeanie Buss, a Los Angeles Lakers executive: “Jeanie Buss, I love her with all my heart. I’d take my heart out and give it to her. That’s how ill she is. I love that lady.”

¶On the best player in the N.B.A.: “No, I’m not the best player in the N.B.A. Kobe Bryant is the best player. I don’t care about the N.B.A. Those days are over with.”


He also ate Vaseline and took a shot at LeBron James.

Point being, I can't stop watching... it is disturbing, hyopnotic and strangely calming.... and compelling TV.

EDITED TO ADD: EVEN MORE STARBURY MADNESS:

"No, I'm not the best player in the NBA. Kobe Bryant is the best player. I don't care about the NBA Those days are over with."

"I'm going to set up a foundation for the world. I'm going to take the money and start building cities all over the world. I'm a comet. My man told me I'm a comet. I said, 'I’m a comet?'"

"My kids are like: Daddy, why are you on the bench? Why ain't daddy in the game?"

"I had to overconversate."

"Where would I want my jersey retired? Boston."

"Chris Paul, he got power and he slither, he slither...he move real silky like a snake."

"I'll be a bum for seven dollars and a blowjob? Hahahahaaha. They tryin to put me in a box! Its impossible!"

"Jeanie Buss, I love her with all my heart. I’d take my heart out and give it to her. That’s how ill she is. I love that lady."

"I love Canada. Ohhhh Can-a-da.... I love that song. I love your anthem. I love hearing it. Its fresh."

"You've gotta thank 'em for a bowel movement. You've gotta thank 'em for a bowel movement."

"Am I jealous of Tracy McGrady and Jason Kidd? Jealous of what?"

"Marbury you suck and won't win a championship? Ok, you still talking about basketball and I'm talking about LIFE."

Post Racial America

Not really.

EDITED TO ADD: Look at the photo, what could have set the cop off? Must have been that beard, never trust a guy with a goatee.

Recognize the dude in the photo? I do. Before reading the story I was at a loss for his name, but I recognized him.... from things like this:



I might not have known his buddies call him Skip, but I would have remembered him interviewing Spike Lee, being on CNN, I would have just thought, "Hey, it is that intellectual I always see talking about race."

I sure wouldn't have thought "My God, he is breaking into that nice house".

Read the story.

Second best line of the story: "Being a black man is often Kafkaesque"

Best line is a Malcolm X quote, you find that one yourself.

The story basically goes like this. Terrifying black man (read: almost 60, nationally known Harvard academic carrying a cane) attempts to enter house in nice (white) suburban (white) Massachusetts (really white) neighbourhood.

Neighbour (frightened honky) calls cops. Cops show up.

This is where the reports differ. Skip says this:

-- Door got jammed. Gates and his driver go in back door, turn off alarm, and force the front door open.

-- Call the campus housing folks, tell them to fix the damn door.

-- Cops show up.

-- Gates asks, "Can I help you", shows ID and everything, in HIS OWN HOUSE.

-- Officer refuses to give him a badge number or a name.

At that point, Prof Gates may have got a little hot... according to the police report, he said.

"A visibly upset Gates responded to the officer’s assertion that he was responding to a report of a break-in with, “Why, because I’m a black man in America?’’

“Gates then turned to me and told me that I had no idea who I was ‘messing’ with and that I had not heard the last of it,’’ the report said. “While I was led to believe that Gates was lawfully in the residence, I was quite surprised and confused with the behavior he exhibited toward me.

Gates was eventually arrested for shouting at the officer.

Not for a B&E on his own house, but for having the teremity to question the officer who wouldn't even give him his badge number, and if you are dealing with the police, get a badge number and a name, otherwise, they are very accomplished at closing ranks.

I would have shouted.... real loud and real long. Probably would have swore, made some comments about the level of training and academic capability of city police officers, and I still wouldn't have been arrested.

OK, he did work in some choice material,

When the officer repeatedly told Gates he would speak with him outside, the normally mild-mannered professor shouted, “Ya, I’ll speak with your mama outside,’’ according to the report.

Since when is it a crime to be rude? Or to makes remarks about someone's mama? Not very dignified, but hardly arrest worthy.

Is this QUATCHI, SUMI, or MIGA

There are advantages to being a reporter, that is for sure. Take yesterday for example. There was a press conference for the Olympic Games here in Iqaluit yesterday, featuring the perverse pleasure of every Furry's dream, the mascots for the 2010 Games.

So, I got to hang out with stuffed people..... beats clicking a time clock to be sure.

The other advantage, I brought The Boy, who loves all things Olympic. He had three of the mascot McDonalds glasses from the last Olympics, and we don't even have a McDonalds.

The final advantage... when another reporter sees your kid in action, they click a photo for you for later.... like this one. Thanks Inflatable Elvis, you're not dead, just retired.



They brought in some day camp kids for the event, but when they mascots came out, The Boy was the only child there.... so when they looked a little lost, he just offered a hug. He's a good Boy.

YES WE CAN

Try it yourself here.

BREAKING NEWS: Special Guest

Joining us on the program tonight, the one and only Jim Bell, Editor of Nunatsiaq News.

The esteemed Editor is joining us on our program to discuss this, his editorial calling for Prime Minister to honour his commitment to elect Senators, and that he wants the PM to start with the Nunavut seat, recently vacated by Senator Willie Adams.

Should be interesting, at least to see one of my ink-stained colleagues face the bright lights of my job ;)

EDITED TO ADD: Technical opportunities prevent us from having this on tonight. We will try again tomorrow.

Blast Away

I was reading over at Reflections (since that is the name of the biggest pink triangle bar in Halifax, in honour of Ferry Tales, I'm only going to call Megan's blog Reflections from now on, so that Ferry Tales knows that the straights love her too), and got moved on over to this interesting bit of blogishness:

The Man Who Hates The Inuvik Drum Like It Was The Devil

It is a fun read, maybe not for you, but for me to be sure. See, I used to work for the parent corp of the Inuvik Drum, and Mr Halifax tends to call these people out by name (he follows this blog, so I'll call him Mister ;)). It is inside baseball, but I'm on the inside. When he names a name, I usually have an idea who he is talking about

There is a blog on PEI that is taking the same sort of tactic with the local media, the now infamous NJN Network. There are huge differences, like:

-- Mr Halifax doesn't seem to fear women. NJN continues to trash the work of a local journalist based on her red raincoat and high heels. As I have said before, if I run into NJN Network on vacation, I'll go put on my red raincoat and high heels, to make a point.

-- Mr Halifax doesn't seem to have been threatened by the local paper. NJN has been threatened with legal action from The Guardian.

-- Mr Halifax comes up with meaner fake names for the reporters involved.

-- Mr Halifax manages to get responses from thin-skinned editorial types, while NJN Network gets letters from lawyers. Maybe it is a NWT vs PEI type of thing?

Mr Halifax is not NJN Network. Mr Halifax is mean, but not really offensive or particularly deluded. I link to Halifax, I don't link to NJN (in my sidebar at least).

Aside from pointing and shouting "Hey, over there, look at those awesome car wrecks", there is a point here, the rise of the semi-pro media critic. I bet there is one for every paper in Canada at this point. I could even point to a certain employer rating site that has some pretty one sided comments about my employer.

Journalists are like any other profession, we get the good and the bad and the indifferent. I watch Howard Kurtz every Sunday. If you are writing a media criticism blog and don't know who Howard is, you need a new hobby.

These blogs are at least as legitimate as a letter to the editor, and have the advantage of not having the comments put through a filter.

However; when you are reading them, be sure to give them the weight you would to a letter to the editor. Consider the source, consider the point of view, ignore the inflammatory language, and take it for what is worth, the opinion of a single individual, as noble and flawed as the rest of us.

For the semi-pro media critics, I only have one bit of advice. Drop the fake names for yourselves, the papers and the reporters. If you want to trash someone, at least make it clear. The cute pseudonyms are tiring.

As for my former colleagues at NNSL, I have some simple advice.

HARDEN THE FUCK UP.

There is no need to respond to these blogs, and thinly veiled attacks from proxies aren't worth the hassle. Do what the Guardian did, ignore it until it is libel. Then get a lawyer.

Really, go to NJNNetwork, look under the PEI section, and click the link that says The Guardian. If Mr Halifax is getting under your collective skins this badly, imagine what it would be like with a determined soapboxer like that on your ass.

I'll keep reading, but then again, I like the sound of sirens ;0

MOre links for you

Just one today, since Jeff Goldblum did not die yesterday, enjoy this:

JEFF GOLDBLUM IS WATCHING YOU POOP

Be sure to turn up the sound before clicking.

You know what I miss

caribou fajitas at the Kamotiq. RIP Kamotiq.

Follow-up

The well connected PEI businessman who I accused of using "slave labour" to get the lowest bid for food at the BIG ASS COUNTRY ROCK OUT THAT HAPPENS AT THE SAME TIME AS A FORMER BEATLE IN HALIFAX (I bet that wouldn't fit on the poster) has "clarified" his position.

This here blog thing is always ready to provide another point of view, provided I don't disagree with it ;) Here is what he had to say in the local paper:

Everyone serving food are paid employees, our staff,” he said. “That’s always been the case. We always pay our staff. That’s been the case for 28 years.”
Murphy said the volunteer work being done is associated with Oak Acres Children’s Foundation, the charity selected to be the recipient of the profits brought in through sales at the beverage tent.
The Oak Acres camp near Murray River is a registered charity which operates six camping sessions per summer for children who are selected to attend by the province’s guidance counsellors.
Approximately 480 children are able to enjoy the camp each year at no cost.
Murphy added that all the volunteers recruited will be working in the beverage tent on behalf of the charity.
“That’s the only volunteer element with the festival,” Murphy said. “That message didn’t get out for some reason.”

The entire story is here.

Misinterpreted the ad.... funny, when David Letterman had a joke "misinterpreted" last week, he pointed out that is his responsability, you should be able to know what it means when you hear it. Same thing goes with an ad.

Here is what the paper said:

When the ad appeared in The Guardian, it made no mention of the charity nor explained the reasons behind the request for volunteers. The ad resulted in a number of critical comments, including the P.E.I. Federation of Labour which questioned using free labour for a private business.

The businessman in question has a long history of supporting charitable causes. I actually do believe him when he says that was his intent all along. HIs employee saying on local CBC that

"We're in business to make money," Wright told CBC News. "We put our best foot forward to try and get this contract."

"We're providing food for the bands and the acts, so … they may get to rub elbows with Reba McEntire or some of the other acts."

makes me wonder if I am being too generous, but, I have learned doing this job over time that often, things aren't as evil as you may think. Many alleged cover-ups and the like are the fabrication of active imaginations. I just don't know in this case. I do know that the guy has donated a shitload of cash to charities over time. That buys you a little slack, as previously explained in this here blog as the Chris Bosh rule.
The entire damn thing is still crooked, but the "slave labour" is not what I thought.

However, for his spokespeople to say that people volunteering in the booze tent have a chance to meet a celebrity is complete bullshit. Yeah, Reba hangs out in the beer tent.... sure.....

Links, and why they are here

I have removed the "tags" section from the sidebar because it was going on for too long and I rarely use the same tag twice, making it huge. Plus, there is a trick going on here.

I watched a documentary about Google, and learned that one of the major factors in Google's secret formula for ranking websites is links. The more links you have out there to your stuff, the higher it is ranked on Google.

So, linking to a site is just like voting for it.

That is why the links section of this blog is getting so damn long, there are lots of things I would love to vote for. Here is a selection of the few things I have linked to in the past week or so:

24b/6: One bored Australian with a cutting sense of humour and a desire to turn mundane things into his own personal attack on the world.

Crying While Eating: Just what it bills, people crying while eating, and explaining what they are crying about and what they are eating.

Encyclopedia Dramatica: These guys a razor sharp and vicious, so I'll use their own description, out of fear "The mission of the Encyclopedia Dramatica is to "spread the lulz". In other words, we exist to provide a place to catalog episodes of parody, humor and satire located on the internet, along with all associated language, individuals and media."

One Post Wonder:: Blogs that only lasted one post.

If you blog, and find something you think is deserving of recognition, for goodness sake, LINK to it. It is a vote on Google, and you can actively support whatever you want to support. In my case, it is Jesus VS Nazis, maybe you like other stuff..... just support what you appreciate.

Is it a stage, a temporary stage, or a bunch of fences?

From the CBC Charlottetown comments page:

"PEI is more currupt than Mexico and Quebec put together."

That bit of inspired prose is from the comments section of this story.... but that is more of the sequel, I'll work up to it.

Last year, the Alanis Morissette concert ended up with less attendance than hoped. That company received around $400,000 from the provincial government, according to various media reports. The company changed ownership just before the show.

[Brief aside: anyone who knows me away from this here blog knows I know the person who originally held the company. That person is smart enough to not talk to a reporter about his business, which works out nice for both of us. I don't work there, I don't need to know. This entire screed is based on information found in the public prints.].

The Tourism Minister had to defend the investment, which, according to what I saw and watched, did not go so well:

From "Tourism minister grilled on losses from show" [by Teresa Wright... by the way, if I ever meet NJN Network, I'll tell him to wait a minute so I can go home and put on MY red raincoat and heels, so I could tell him to step off nice and proper].

From that story, you can find out that the Minister changed course a few times, including not releasing the original business plan, and saying that her department never asked the Liberal connected company that took over to take over.

Previously, she said she would provide the plan, and said that they asked that company to take over.

Enter "The Chair of the Island’s Tourism Advisory Council". A quick look at Open Corporations -- before it was shut down -- shows that person's connections very clearly, including financial partnerships with the promoter who took over the Alanis show.

The Chair is the same Chair whose board recommended this Cavendish Country Hoe Down. The chair's restaurants are now asking people to work for them for free at the concert.

That festival will be well backed. I have no problem with the Chair putting in a bid, if you eliminated everyone with a chance of receiving financial benefit from planning processes, those would be some empty meetings.

Thing is, if their low bid includes slave labour, shouldn't that raise a red flag?

Now we get to the point of this entire post. That $900,000 isn't for a stage. It is for a temporary stage and to upgrade facilities around the concert area. $900,000 -- matched by the promoters -- for a temporary stage, for a concert that already received $200,000 from the province. The promoters said they didn't need the $200,000.

Just a few weeks ago, this stage was being called permanent by the Tourism Minister. Now it is temporary, and almost $1 million of taxpayer dollars are going into a stage on private property.

From the original story is this nugget "No taxpayer money will be handed over until organizers prove the work has been done."

My question, what constitutes the work being done. I would have to assume that it means that a permanent stage is there.... not a fence to make sure the promoters don't get ripped off.

I know that McIntyre and McGraw are a huge deal to some folks. I also know that AC/DC, Paul McCartney, Kiss and Bon Jovi are playing the Maritimes this summer.

The promoters are predicting "tens of thousands" of people to come to Cavendish for the concert. I hope they are right. I think they are wrong.

I'll end with some things to ponder:

-- What determines success in Cavendish? 10,000 people? Tens of Thousands? Or setting up private promoters -- approved by a committee chaired by someone connected with the party in power and who stands to benefit financially -- to repeat this idea year after year?

-- What determines the work being complete on the stage? Is it temporary or permanent? Will they still get their money for a temporary stage?

-- How is it that the Tourism Minister can change her stance to suit circumstances (at least three times in this blog post alone) and not be challenged on it?

-- The explanation from the DM over at Tourism for the Alanis investment was "Our position has been going into it, and the rationale around supporting an event like a fall music festival, was to shore up the fall season." This one doesn't support that goal. What is their goal with this investment?

-- Finally, I wonder what will be the response on PEI if the Big Country Show doesn't do as well as hoped? Can we expect the personal venom I witnessed as a result of the Alanis show? Will we see the Tourism Minister go before a committee and try to put forward another changed position? Higher stakes and more money should equal more public outrage if things don't go well. My sneaking suspicion is that since it is country music, Islanders will just shut up and take it, but we will have to see. What I do know is that the fervor that surrounded the Alanis concert, if multiplied by dollars spent, would be huge.

What I learned with my small experience putting on musical events is that it is too damn risky for me to risk my future on. The Minister may be learning that lesson for herself, on the people's dime.

What I have learned as a journalist is that this entire Cavendish Festival needs to be Accesed to Information until it bleeds paper. There is a much bigger story going on.

It reeks of patronage, half-assed planning, and outright lies. What it needs is a blinding light of public interest until the truth comes out, whatever that may be.

What I will be doing in September

From The Cavern Club to the roof of the studio, with stops in Shea Stadium and the Ed Sullivan show.

And it looks like they have two mics for the Lennon/McCartney sing along stuff....

Kanye West Loves Fur

I ripped this off from Perez, but it is too good not to share. YOu know Pink, the singer. She was at a fashion show with Kanye West, and posted this on her blog:

"Kanye West is the person pissing me off right now. I was at Stella McCartney's Paris fashion show with the vice president of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, Paul McCartney and Kanye West. The entire time Kanye is going, 'They need more fur in this show'. He just wouldn't shut up about how he loved fur. I mean, he's saying this to me, the PETA guy and Paul McCartney! I was just so grossed out by him. I'm like, 'You're an idiot!' There are so many people who I think are a waste of skin and he's up there. I should wear him. Go on, donate yourself Kanye. People can wear your fur."

I recall a full length seal skin overcoat from the GN collection that can only be described as pimpalicious. Kanye, I bet they would lend it to you....

Pushing fur at Paul McCartney..... they could make you an honourary Citizen of Nunavut Mr West.

At least you get a few links:

You Could Be My Black Kate Moss Tonight

You Know YOu Can't Roll Without Caesar (watch this one all the way through, most creative video I've seen in a dog's age)

And who could ever forget this, look at poor Mike Meyers and how awkward he looks:



On our show, we had the National Spokesperson for PETA out of DC on for an interview. Our anchor started asking her how can people afford to eat without seal considering that you can pay $20 for orange juice in Rankin Inlet.

And once she dug in, she didn't let go. The PETA talking head got so frustrated that she said:

"If they can afford ATV's and handguns to shoot seals, then they can afford......"

Ever see someone shoot a seal with a handgun? Me neither. It was good TV

Go see a doctor immedietely, there is something wrong with your pubes

In what is rapidly becomming a Friday tradition, I present you with my new favourite site of the week:

Passive Aggressive Notes

For those notes you see everywhere, like "Clean up after yourself, you mother doesn't live here". Anyone who has spent too much time in an office knows all about it.

Here is a favourite, the Rocket Pubes missive:

You want the fucking weather?

I got the fucking weather right fucking here:

www.thefuckingweather.com

Funny site

PETA KILLS ANIMALS

PETA adopted almost 2000 animals, killed them, and dumped them behind the Piggly Wiggly.

Healthy animals ready for adoption.

But eating a seal, or even owning a pet, is wrong....

There is no emoticon to express my anger....

I guess to save the village they had to kill the village, and these jerks are mad about a humane harvest of doomed whales? Fuck off.

.... when they aren't playing the Raptors

Me: When do we cheer for Dwight Howard?

The Boy: When he isn't playing against the Raptors.



Orlando big man Dwight Howard -- known to The Boy and countless others as Superman -- is too much fun to watch.... except when his team won't give him the ball.

The late Inflatable Elvis and I have been watching this Boston/Orlando series with some interest, as we have been paying attention to Orlando all season long. Inside/outside game, Superman himself, and they seem like guys worth cheering for.

Except the coaches... the body language has been way off. Orlando coach Stan Van Gundy has an intense personaility and it is clear that the players have tuned him out. It got worse after Superman got suspended for a game for an uncharacteristic nasty elbow, and the team won.

Some players even commented anonymously afterwards that they are better WITHOUT Howard. Something about freeing them up for shots. Hey, MR Three Point specialist, Charles Barkley was right last night.

He said, "There are two kind of threes, the ones you shoot wide open and the ones where you have a guy hanging off you." Big Mr Howard getting doubled frees up the open man, because until they adopt different rules, it is five guys a side.

You can see the tension on the bench. I saw 13 year veteran Anthony Johnson holding his head in his hands following a run in with one of the coaches. Looked like he was crying. No one looks at the coach during timeouts. And they don't run the plays they need to.... like give the ball to the future Hall of Famer and get the hell out of the way.

So, last night, the Magic throw away a clear win against the EVIL Boston Celtics (I will never forget that classless alley-oop against the Raptors following a complete drubbing. So bad that Triano -- congrats Jay on the new coaching gig -- called a timeout to draw attention to it).

Back to the Magic collapse. Howard said after the game:

"We moved the ball, we ran, got easy shots, and our coach has to recognize when he was a certain group out there and they are getting the job done and we have to leave those guys on the floor. We are going to make mistakes, but I think you have to go with what works."

To translate, that is equilavent to, in NBA terms, of Ron Artest showing up for Game Six with a table leg in his hand. Howard is a lamb, never heard him say anything bad about anybody, even when Shaq was taking shots at him for using Superman, a Shaq-Fu original.

Dwight.... we would love you in Toronto, with your good friend CB4. You can do all the goofy things you want and we'll love it. Just get your ass under the net and we'll get you the ball. Want to be just like your hero Shaq, LEAVE ORLANDO.

EDITED TO ADD: Seems like the Magic fans agree with Superman, according to the 800 of them who have filled in this poll:

Was it OK for Dwight Howard to criticize his coach Stan Van Gundy?

Yes, it was deserved (501 responses)

58.6%

No, the game plan was fine (23 responses)

2.7%

No, Dwight needs to show team unity right now (331 responses)

38.7%

The Colbert Bump

The good people over at Nunatsiaq better get ready for the Colbert bump.

Faux conservative commentator Stephen Colbert name checked Nunastiaq News last night. I was damn near alseep, looked up, and sure enough, I saw the Nunatsiaq logo on the screen.

In his feature "Smokin' Pole: The Quest for Arctic Riches", he talked about this article from last week's paper:

ICC

He followed the discussion of Inuit sovereignity by looking into the camera and saying "THOSE INDIANS ARE TRYING TO STEAL OUR LAND."

Colbert takes credit for all of the success someone has after an appearance on his show, he calls it The Colbert Bump, after Ron Paul went from 1 to 3 per cent after an appearance.

Congrats, and when The Comedy Network gets around to putting it up on their site, I'll put the link here.

EDITED TO ADD: "Known locally as the cold grey lady".

Ron Artest: Pro Wrestling Villian

Ron Artest is really getting under the skin of Kobe Bryant, and I for one say "good".

Ron needs to be careful however, he has an NBA rap sheet as long as my arm. Remember when the Pistons and Pacers fought in Detroit, and the Pacers fought with fans? Ron started it.

For brevity, I'll just quote Wikipedia. If you have read this far, you probably know the story:

The brawl began with 45.9 seconds remaining in the game, when Indiana led the game 97–82. When Piston center/forward Ben Wallace was fouled by Pacer forward Ron Artest, Wallace responded by shoving Artest in the face, which led to a physical confrontation between several players from both teams.[5] During the argument, Artest laid down on the scorer's table while putting on a headset speaking with Mark Boyle on the local radio. He also taunted Wallace which led Wallace to throw an armband at him. A spectator, John Green, then threw a cup of beer at Artest while he was lying on the table, which hit Artest in the chest.[5]

Artest responded by running into the stands and shoving the man he mistakenly believed was responsible, which triggered a violent response from nearby spectators, and involved Stephen Jackson who had also run into the stands.[5] Another melee started when Artest was confronted on the court by two fans, Alvin "A.J." Shackleford and Charlie Haddad. Artest punched Shackleford, and Jermaine O'Neal intervened by slide-punching Haddad in the jaw.[5]

So, last night, Artest runs the length of the court screaming and shouting at Bryant. Bryant did cheap shot a Rocket in Game One, but on the Kobe style, he kneed him in a pile-up. Bryant is an asshole, not an idiot.

This is the part I love. Here is what Artest had to say after the game:

"Uh, wow. I understand it's the playoffs. I remember when I used to play back home in the neighborhood there were always games like that. I remember one time, one of my friends, he was playing basketball and they were winning the game. It was so competitive, they broke off a piece of leg from a table and they threw it and it went right through his heart and he died right on the court.
"So I'm accustomed playing basketball really rough. When I came into the league, I was used to fighting on the court. That's how I grew up playing basketball. It took me a lot of years to back off and understand, that's not what the league is about.

"Now, I play fair and square and I lose fair and square. I put my arm on Kobe. I touch. You see your man and the ball. Just basic defense. He hits my arm down. I'm telling the ref, he hits my arm. You can't do that.' Then he did it again. I tell the refs, 'You got to control this.' Then he throws an elbow right in my neck. I told Kobe, you can do whatever you want to do. I'm not reacting. I'm going to let the refs control it.'

"What am I going to do" I'm going to continue to get hit? In Game 1, he elbowed Shane. The league says he was just trying to get up. But in Game 1, he clearly was overaggressive on Shane. My team, we're not like that. We're going to win fair and square or lose fair and square. We're not going to initiate anything.

"Kobe is great enough to take over games and lead his team. He could have done it without that.

"For me, the game was great. It was fun. The new league we're in, it was overaggressive. You have to have (guts) to hit a guy like me in the throat. I'm hoping the league looks at it.

"I knew I was going to get a technical foul. The point was to let the refs know I'm (angry), I'm tired of this guy elbowing me. I knew I went over there, no punches, no shoves to the face. Just confrontation. I backed off. That's a technical foul, I would think.
"I went over there with the intention of telling Kobe, you're hitting the wrong person. Don't you know you're hitting Ron Artest?"


God Bless you Ron Artest. I'm cheering for you to win, and I hope all the table legs are secured.

EDITED TO ADD: The next time I end up in a physical confrontation with someone, I'm going to shout, "DON'T YOU KNOW I'M RON ARTEST!"

Run to the HILLS

It is a FREAKIN BEAR..... and don't let that smile fool you, the baby is a bear.



Seriously, how cute is this?


Gets cuter when he gives Big Brother a kiss in an earlier photo... also note, he is wearing Rescue Pack from Go Diego Go.

Guilty pleasures

Aside from obsessing on Championship Manager, yet again...

Sorry Mom

It features stories about the guy they shouldn't have brought home, but did. Never have I seen the phrase "whiskey-dick" thrown around with such abandon.

Texts From Last Night

Featuring classic texts such as
(310): im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon

(925): Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.

(301): Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!

I have just killed your next day of productivity.... enjoy the misadventures of others.

EDITED TO INCLUDE ACTUAL WORKING LINKS

Today's plan

Since the Raptors aren't in the playoffs, I have some time on my hands. I could waste it playing Championship Manager 01/02 (greatest sports sim ever), or I could put my energy to a productive use.

My plan, I want to take my shovel and dig up the runway here at the airport, to keep all you swine-flu fuckers out of my town.

I'm sure the authorities, the retail sector, the tourism cabal and common sense will intervene to stop me, but whenever there is an announcement of an outbreak of any kind, my first thought is:

STOP ALL THE PLANES.

Where is Kent

Ask my son, the Romulan.

Joseph the Romulan.

I wrote this

now you read it.

http://www.winnipegfreepress2.com/publications/firstnationsvoice/march/index.php?page=10

It is for First Nation's Voice, a monthly publication of the Winnipeg Free Press, reaching 90,000 readers.

Sometimes, when an outside source asks for a story from APTN, our kind producers say, "Shit, Kent will do it, he likes that stuff. You want something from Nunavut?"

And the person asking for the story will go, "Nunavut, hells yes, we'd like something from Nunavut."

I went after PETA for their stupid Inuksuk campaign, and took a few kicks at reliable kicking target "Captain" Paul Watson.

Then I had Inflatable Elvis and Port Town Ghosts read it over for me. Elvis sharpened my sticks and PTG directed my narrative flow. Both helped a lot.

Here it is. You should totally click the link, because they have a different bio photo that they shot (oh, the glamour of being a TV personaility)I like my self-description at the end, and it ran intact...

and I share a page with former Canuck tough guy Gino Odjick... which is cool.

Re-Printed without any sort of permission at all from the kind folks at the Free Press:

War on Tradition

By Kent Driscoll
APTN National News – Iqaluit

Despite what People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals may tell you, no one in Nunavut uses a hakapik to hunt seals. The Government of Nunavut even pushed for a ban on the East Coast favorite, because it was a more useful tool in the hands of agenda pushing activists than those of hunters killing seals.

PETA knows this, but that didn’t stop them from using one of Nunavut’s most enduring symbols – the Inukshuk – in their propaganda this year. In one of their latest campaigns, they’ve co-opted the multi-coloured symbol of the Vancouver Games and set it to killing a seal with a hakapik.

For a group with the word “ethical” in their title, that is pretty disingenuous.

There is a vote coming up on the import of seal skins into the European Union. There is a small provision for the exemption of seal pelts that are used ceremonially, but if passed, it will serve to bludgeon Nunavut’s seal skin industry by banning the sale of pelts in the EU.

APTN National News recently interviewed Nunavut Premier Eva Aariak about the European Union’s proposed seal skin ban.

“Is this a case of them not understanding, or is this a case of your positions being so far apart that nothing can solve it?” I asked her.

Aariak answered diplomatically, pointing to further education and lobbying. “We need to really help to educate people, how we use the seals, how it helps our economy as well. We need to do that at all levels, to every country. There can never be enough information about how much sealing means to Canadians,” she said.

This is the standard line of reasoning from the Government of Nunavut: if you teach them, they will understand. But while Aariak is holding out faith in the Europeans, there is no reason to hold out faith for PETA, or the Sea Shepherd society, or the scores of other anti-sealing groups, who annually do their low rent chicken-man dance for the press.

PETA may be culturally insensitive and overwrought; the Sea Shepherd society takes first place for epic hyperbole. Earlier this year “Captain” Paul Watson – just before he took off to ram Japanese whaling ships – got into an online brawl with Terry Audla from the Qikiqtani Inuit Association, over the culling of 500 whales trapped in the ice near Pond Inlet on the northeast tip of Baffin Island.

“Every man who pulled a trigger on those whales is no different than the men who slaughtered the defenseless people in the pit at My Lai, Vietnam,” Watson wrote.

Audla wrote back that he was going home to enjoy some fresh whale meat with his family.

Here in Nunavut, the Inukshuk isn’t just a logo. It is the symbol of a people who have defied the odds and survived life in the Arctic. The seal isn’t fur profit. It is a home cooked meal, a break from astronomical grocery costs, warm winter clothing, and cultural history.

“Canada’s annual war on seals”, is what PETA calls it. It should be called “animal rights activists’ annual war on Inuit tradition.”

Audla and Aariak are both opting for a diplomatic approach; one has to wonder how you go about educating with so much prejudice arrayed against you.

Kent Driscoll is the Nunavut Reporter for APTN National News, and lives in Iqaluit. He can’t hunt to save his life, but thinks seals are both tasty and warm to wear.

4 more years

The Toronto Raptors are on a modest winning streak -- nothing like the one I saw shattered last night by the Wizards. (The Boy was watching it with me, and his question, "What's wrong with LeBron?")

Their last home game is rapidly approaching. Here is my ideal situation:

Raptors win, and as is tradition at the ACC, the post-game Player of the Game interview is done over the arena sound system.

Chris Bosh is the Player of the Game.

I would like to see Raptors fans start chanting en masse "Four more years. Four more years!" Like he was Nixon.

Simple, well known chant, that would remind CB4 that the fans in TO love him... and they bloody well should.

WAtch our show tonight

Nunavut's 10th anniversary is the focus of my work tonight, and I'm happy with it. Very happy.

Last night, we had people remembering what they were doing on April 1st 1999.

Today, we have:

Tons of traditional games
Me getting my ass kicked by grade school kids at said events
O Canada in Inuktitut
Some politicians
Incredible throat singing

and so on. Big day for Nunavut, and I'm happy we did some justice to it.

Tomorrow, what about the next 10 years, huh?

and in the debrief, I say the words, "We'll fill your belly full of seal."

6 eastern in the south, 7 eastern in the North. Tune in.

Sham-what

From the "Truth is stranger than fiction" file.

The guy from the Shamwow infomercials got into a fist fight with a hooker.



She lost:


Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly "bit his tongue and would not let go."

The moral of the story, NEVER kiss a prostitute.

Happy Birthday CB4

I sent The Boy to school wearing his Chris Bosh shirt today... actually, he sent himself. He wears it as often as it is clean, and often tries to when it isn't.

If you aren't following the latest Chris Bosh saga, I'm not going to fill you in. I will quote this:

Vincent Wills, who is representing Bosh, said: "Chris denies the non-support. We will be filing a reply at the end of the week."

There you have it. That is what Chris Bosh's lawyer is saying. The Toronto Star convicted him with the headline "Deadbeat Dad". Not even an "accused" in there, even though his ex is the only one to file papers.

Or, as Doug Smith - who has folowed the Raptors since Day One -- wrote:

If all of the points made in the case are true, Chris Bosh has absolutely bamboozled me and thousands of other people he’s come in contact with on an almost daily basis during the past six NBA seasons.

Remember, this is a guy who gave $1 million to a toronto Foundation he started. Doesn't sound too tight with a dime to take care of his own dauighter to me.

There are two sides to every story, I hope Bosh's side comes out sooner than later. I'm sure the truth isn't pretty, but it may not be so one sided.

The article breaking the story was accurate and good, the headline was shit, and the guy who broke the story (fucking Feschuk) usually writes opinion. Today, he is back with an opinion story about Bosh and the situation... which hat are you wearing today Feschuk?

I should mention that the story broke on BOsh's 25th birthday. Remember when you were a 25 year-old millionaire? I'm sure you didn't make any mistakes...

Tonight, I want him to score 40 points. Nothing says "Hey Toronto Star headline writer, go eat a bowl of fuck" like dropping 40.

More Dead Milkmen

Today I bring you quote worthy quotes from the non-distorted punk pleasure that is The Dead Milkmen's masterpiece, Bucky Fellini:

I like to scream
I like to yell
That's 'cause I'm sick
And I need help
The specialist won't hurt me
He's not like the nuns
He's got a lot of pretty pills
I think I'll take some yellow ones
Take me to the specialist

- Mr. Huberty
- Yes god
- You wouldn't happen to have any power tools?
(psychopathic laughter)

YEAH! SOME NIGHTS I'M LYING IN BED!
Wonderin' what would happen if Nancy Sinatra suddenly freaked out and
climbed a tree and decided she doesn't want to do 'These Boots are Made for
Walking' any more and all she ever wanted to do for the rest of her natural
life was hum the 'Theme to Swat'.

I always thought they were saying "And own a beaver swatch" instead of the Theme to Swat thing..... really doesn't matter, neither makes much sense.

Poke out your eyes
And move to Portland
Kill your wife
And move to Portland
Burn down your home
And move to Portland
Come on everybody!
We're movin' to Portland

The episode of Lost called "NOt in Portland" should have featured this song.

When we get to Graceland
We'll have to ride a bus
We'd better watch our language
Or the guards will beat us up
We'll get to make some cheap jokes
And buy cheaper souvenirs
If this were Disneyworld
I'd buy a pair of Elvis ears

Two, three, four!
Look out Stevie Ray Vaughn
Look out Charlie Sexton
Look out you cheesy Texas mother fuckers!
Alright!

Don't try to tell me that you're an intellectual
Cause you're just another boring bisexual
"I met Andy Warhol at a really chic party"
Blow it out your hairdo 'cause you work at Hardees (When Rod says "Hardees"
there's the sound of a page turning)
80 pounds of make up on your art school skin
80 points of I.Q. located within

Out in the woods
Up to no good
I wanna make friends with the badger

Let's go dinin' on rocks and glass
Get the hiccups if we eat too fast
See how long our love can last
Let's go dinin' on rocks and glass

You are invited
To The Blood Orgy of the Atomic Fern
You are invited
So many things for you to learn
You are invited
You might wanna bring some extra dip
A case of RC Cola
And a couple of leather whips

Jellyfish heaven
Is not like Japan
Jellyfish heaven
Is not like Thailand
Jellyfish heaven
Is a lot
Like LA

Municipal Planning

Iqaluit has sprung up rather haphazardly over the years. Whenever I look at the layout of our City, I am reminded of a song from my delinquent childhood, City of Mud by the Dead Milkmen.

I love the Dead Milkmen and have since I was 13. I blame them for an entire lifetime of seeking non-conformist music, their early influence led me to Public Enemy and countless other bands that my parents hated.

"Built ourselves a city
And we propped it up with wood
We were drunk when we made it
Hell! We did the best we could"

Not only does it describe how our City is, it gives a plan for the future. It is also a good reminder that the mud season is coming. Read on:

Built ourselves a city
And we made it out of mud
We dried it off this morning
Out there in the desert sun
And we never do no working
Just sit and watch TV
Well, I finally found a city
Full of people just like me

Well we're gonna drag Bruce Springsteen
By his axe through our streets
By the time we're done The Boss
Will look like a side of beef
We've got plans for other wankers
Who might come through our town
Y'know we're going to rid the world
Of those Top-40 clowns
Then we're going to buy some bombs
Just like the big boys have
So don't call us losers
Or you might just make us mad!

Built ourselves a city
And we propped it up with wood
We were drunk when we made it
Hell! We did the best we could
And still we don't do no working
Just sit and watch TV
Well, I finally found a city
Full of people just like me

Someone tried to build a health spa
But we quickly burned it down
'Cause we don't want any healthy people
Ruining our town
Y'know, we used to have a K-Mart
We burnt that sucker too
'Cause they wouldn't let you in
Without a shirt or shoes
And we never paved the roads
We just bought VCR's
When you got good movies
Hell, you don't need any cars

Built ourselves a city
And we call it WiseGuyVille
And we made a few mistakes
Like putting children on the pill
And we never do no working
'Cause we got cable TV
Hell, I finally found a city
Full of people just like me

Someday we'll have a new land
From sea to shining sea
Someday we'll have a country
Full of people just like

I looked high and wide for a video of City of Mud, and no luck. But we do have these, mostly from a reunion show they did in Austin Texas in Nov 2008. Kate, you now have a mission. Kidnap Joe Jack Talcum or Rodney Anonymous when you are in Austin, and make them play Open Mic nights here.:

"If the black guy with the Arab sounding name can become President, then you fuckers have no excuse"


Everyone knows that a burrow Owl lives in the ground, why the hell do you think they call it a burrow owl anyway?"



Punk Rock Girl Sing a Along "Nothin' man, it's stolen"
Plus a special dedication of Tiny Town to Sarah Palin.


Smokin Banana peels in between meals:

Get the Frak out of here

Battlestar Galactica ends on Friday. In honour of that, please welcome the proud return of the BattleStar Galactica LOLCats:

Outtakes from Sesame Street

Even if you aren't a fan of Elmo, Elmo is a fan of you. Just watch this. Ricky Gervais joins Elmo on the Sesame Street set.

Kevin Clash -- Elmos performer -- is just as quick as Ricky.

Elmo turns to the producer and says, "When did you loose control of this interview."

Elmo fan or not, just watch it:

You really want to stop bootleggers?

Check this out. From CBC PEI, about three guys busted for illegal cigarettes:

Three men from western P.E.I. have been ordered to pay more than $500,000 in fines for dealing in illegal cigarettes.

The provincial fines levied were much higher than they would have been a year ago. Under amendments to the provincial act proclaimed last March 15, fines can equal five times the tax that was due if the cigarettes had been sold legally. Previously, the provincial fines were equal to the tax payable.

James Banks of Summerside, Donald MacArthur of Belmount and Joseph Hippenstall of Summerside were convicted under P.E.I.'s Tobacco Tax Act and the federal Excise Act after 1,750 cartons of cigarettes were seized on June 7. Fines were levied under both acts.

Banks and MacArthur were each charged $234,094.30 in provincial fines and $40,000 in federal fines and given three years to pay. Hippenstall was ordered to pay $2,794 in provincial fines and $1,000 in federal fines, with one year to pay.

If they don't pay their fines, the province can seize their assets, including their homes. The fines were handed down last week in Summerside provincial court.

For the part that has me interested, read again:

The provincial fines levied were much higher than they would have been a year ago. Under amendments to the provincial act proclaimed last March 15, fines can equal five times the tax that was due if the cigarettes had been sold legally. Previously, the provincial fines were equal to the tax payable.

An act like directed at illegal booze in Nunavut would be devastating to the illegal trade. It would also cripple those responsible finacially forever (which is really the down side).... but I bet the good olde boys in West Prince will think twice before selling illegal smokes.

Sometimes, you have to shoot a hostage to get the attention of the others, I'm just sayin'

Our Smallest Reporter

More help at the office today, this time on account of professional development for the teachers. We started our own "professional development" here today, bringing in The Boy to hang out with me and learn (or teach) a trick or two. Looks like he has it figured out, look directly into the camera and try to look serious:

Our smallest camera operator

I have some help at the office this morning, some tiny help.



He works for Honeycombs, and aside from the regular poop (and actual poop) you have to deal with from artistic types, he is good help..... plus, Elmo breaks.

DId he just call CB4 a drag Queen?

You decide. Here is what Shaquille O'Neal had to say after beating in the Raptors brains and getting 40 pts for the first time since 2004. Bosh was complaining that the officials are slow to call 3 in the key on Shaq Daddy:

"I heard what Chris Bosh said, and that's strong words coming from the RuPaul of big men," O'Neal said. "I'm going to do the same thing (in their next meeting) I did before - make him quit. Make 'em quit and complain. It's what I do."

The RuPaul of big men.... that one may stick, he is a little delicate (he is also a derseving All-Star and a fantaastic franchise player.

For extra Shaq, he also said this:

"I think I'm the only player who looks at each and every center and says to myself, 'That's barbecued chicken down there.'

If CB4 is the RuPaul of big men, Shaquilel is the Young MC of NBA players rapping:



Or maybe the Fat Joe.....

LEAVE CHRIS BOSH ALONE FATTY...... and go have some more BBQ chicken.

Looking for a giant map

Last night, I did something I have never done on TV before, I stood in front of a Nunavut map and showed where the individual communities I was talking about are.

It really worked, and I was very happy with the result. So was my boss. So much so that when I asked him this morning, "Can we buy the biggest goddamn map of Nunavut we can find and put it up in the wall here?" he said, 'Sure, good idea."

So, I am officially looking for "the biggest goddamn map of Nunavut" I can find. Any ideas? It has to:

-- stand out on TV
-- be easy to see
-- be so goddamn big that it is an affront to God

The person who finds it will have my admiration, and a smug sense of self-satifaction, and, let's say, some APTN temporary tattoos.

EDITED TO ADD: Of course, I'll post a picture

Tonight, on the TV

-- Find out out how much it costs to fly around in the High Arctic
-- Watch me ham it up with a map
-- Find out about $65 cranberry juice

I am the D block, second to last block of the show, and it is all me. Watch, enjoy, and discuss. How damn bad do you want cranberry juice if you are willing to pay that?

Timing is......

Everything. After I scrawled yesterday's missive on the back of a napkin and had my team of stealth monkeys transcribe it for me, and then had the kids post it, I didn't know the Globe and Mail would give me such a great bow to put on top.

The Prime Minister's Office for three days has refused to respond to queries about a Saturday report published in several Ontario newspapers that the President, on his recent visit to Ottawa, invited Ms. Jean to the U.S. capital to talk about the politics and economy of her native Haiti.

Read it all HERE

Maybe they got the advice from their high priced consultants.... read more about that here.

Internal documents suggest the Harper government downplayed health risks and wanted pricey PR advice after halting plans for new schools on native reserves.

Ask a question, I double dare you

I've mentioned before on this blog about the problems trying to deal with the Prime Minister's press people and policy when he visited Iqaluit. The long and the short is that, in order to ask a question, you have to tell them your question. My question was not one the PM wanted to answer, so I got skipped.

I do not like being skipped, and went on air to complain about it. In reality, being skipped because you want to ask a tough question, that is a bit of a compliment. Plus, I got to talk about it on TV, which shows just the kind of news org we are. We don't take being skipped laying down, or at least I don't and our network supported me in that.

When the ministers of this government roll by, we are asked nicely to identify our organization and try to stay on topic. In reality we do neither, but after question four or so, we generally get around to letting the minister know who we represent.

We all know each other, why shouldn't everybody else.

Point being, we get our questions in, and are even polite enough to wait and see if anyone has anything on the topic they are pushing before ranging farther afield. We have had three cabinet ministers through in the last year, and none of them were as big a hassle as the PM, and none of them tried to screen questions.

I don't even have a problem telling people the general subject so they are prepared, I have a problem with submitting questions for vetting.

Well, I'm not the only one having this problem.... no, I am not the lone voice in the wilderness calling out for accountability, I'm one of a chorus.

The following list of stories comes from J-Source.

-- Even Saint Obama can't get by the restrictions.

Harper's spokespeople threatened to cancel the press conference if, at any point in the day, a Canadian reporter shouts out a question without being invited to do so.

White House reporters habitually bark out queries during photo opportunities with the president.

But nobody had better dare pulling such a stunt in Harper's office.

"If you do (ask a question), the photo op will immediately cease," Teneycke said.

-- What did the Harper Government say to each other about listeriosis (aside from wishing death on the member for Malpeque PEI)? Good luck finding out.

The Harper government has delayed for months the release of notes on conference calls held at the height of last summer's deadly listeriosis outbreak — a lag some experts say breaks Ottawa's own information laws.

-- Go ahead and ask that question, and the RCMP will drag you away.

Mounties protecting Prime Minister Stephen Harper during a campaign event in Surrey, B.C., were used Tuesday evening to stop reporters from approaching a high-profile Tory candidate.

"Keep them out," Harper aide Ray Novak shouted at the RCMP security detail as journalists approached Dona Cadman.

CTV's Rosemary Thompson was literally yanked aside by one Mountie as she approached the retreating group - which did not include the prime minister

-- They even kicked out journalists from the lobby of the Delta in Charlottetown.... while tourists were allowed to rubberneck

No cameras, no mics," one plainclothed RCMP officer told CTV News on Wednesday. "That is what the party asked."

The Canadian Press reported that one officer said he was acting on the orders of the Prime Minister's Office.

First thing that crossed my mind when I was skipped was "I should have just lied to them."

"and your question?"

"Infrastructure."

I didn't at the time, due to default setting honesty.

I'm glad I didn't, because my act of defiance would have been fun and good TV, but given the vindictive and ham-fisted methods of this media department, I would have cut our network across the throat. They would never take a question from us again.

Whether you support the policies of this government or not, everyone should get nervous when an elected minority government takes unprecendented pains to limit media access.

I don't know the answer, but why do I have a sneaking suspicion that sometime this summer, I'm going to have to figure it out. According to the INAC Minister, the PM is "bubbling" after every visit to the North. I'm sure he will be back.

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing, end them.

The Ottawa press corp tried that one. They walked out on the PM because of his question list. It didn't last. That's not really an option for me, and would only limit us.

This isn't just a reporters issue, it is one that should be of great importance to all of us, party politics be damned. These guys make the Government of Nunavut Ministers look like Teddy Ruxpin.

I don't have any easy answers, except to say, I can't miss a chance to use a Teddy Ruxpin photo...

Or, to paraphrase The Roots:
"You ain't a killer brother
You're Teddy Ruxpin soft."

EDITED TO ADD: I forgot about the time he refused to answer questions from a national anchor, because.... well, just because I suppose. I woulnd't want to call anyone "chicken", lest I bring out some sort of McFly chicken response. Read it HERE.