Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Guilty pleasures

Aside from obsessing on Championship Manager, yet again...

Sorry Mom

It features stories about the guy they shouldn't have brought home, but did. Never have I seen the phrase "whiskey-dick" thrown around with such abandon.

Texts From Last Night

Featuring classic texts such as
(310): im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon

(925): Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.

(301): Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!

I have just killed your next day of productivity.... enjoy the misadventures of others.


Monday, April 27, 2009

Today's plan

Since the Raptors aren't in the playoffs, I have some time on my hands. I could waste it playing Championship Manager 01/02 (greatest sports sim ever), or I could put my energy to a productive use.

My plan, I want to take my shovel and dig up the runway here at the airport, to keep all you swine-flu fuckers out of my town.

I'm sure the authorities, the retail sector, the tourism cabal and common sense will intervene to stop me, but whenever there is an announcement of an outbreak of any kind, my first thought is:


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Monday, April 6, 2009

I wrote this

now you read it.


It is for First Nation's Voice, a monthly publication of the Winnipeg Free Press, reaching 90,000 readers.

Sometimes, when an outside source asks for a story from APTN, our kind producers say, "Shit, Kent will do it, he likes that stuff. You want something from Nunavut?"

And the person asking for the story will go, "Nunavut, hells yes, we'd like something from Nunavut."

I went after PETA for their stupid Inuksuk campaign, and took a few kicks at reliable kicking target "Captain" Paul Watson.

Then I had Inflatable Elvis and Port Town Ghosts read it over for me. Elvis sharpened my sticks and PTG directed my narrative flow. Both helped a lot.

Here it is. You should totally click the link, because they have a different bio photo that they shot (oh, the glamour of being a TV personaility)I like my self-description at the end, and it ran intact...

and I share a page with former Canuck tough guy Gino Odjick... which is cool.

Re-Printed without any sort of permission at all from the kind folks at the Free Press:

War on Tradition

By Kent Driscoll
APTN National News – Iqaluit

Despite what People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals may tell you, no one in Nunavut uses a hakapik to hunt seals. The Government of Nunavut even pushed for a ban on the East Coast favorite, because it was a more useful tool in the hands of agenda pushing activists than those of hunters killing seals.

PETA knows this, but that didn’t stop them from using one of Nunavut’s most enduring symbols – the Inukshuk – in their propaganda this year. In one of their latest campaigns, they’ve co-opted the multi-coloured symbol of the Vancouver Games and set it to killing a seal with a hakapik.

For a group with the word “ethical” in their title, that is pretty disingenuous.

There is a vote coming up on the import of seal skins into the European Union. There is a small provision for the exemption of seal pelts that are used ceremonially, but if passed, it will serve to bludgeon Nunavut’s seal skin industry by banning the sale of pelts in the EU.

APTN National News recently interviewed Nunavut Premier Eva Aariak about the European Union’s proposed seal skin ban.

“Is this a case of them not understanding, or is this a case of your positions being so far apart that nothing can solve it?” I asked her.

Aariak answered diplomatically, pointing to further education and lobbying. “We need to really help to educate people, how we use the seals, how it helps our economy as well. We need to do that at all levels, to every country. There can never be enough information about how much sealing means to Canadians,” she said.

This is the standard line of reasoning from the Government of Nunavut: if you teach them, they will understand. But while Aariak is holding out faith in the Europeans, there is no reason to hold out faith for PETA, or the Sea Shepherd society, or the scores of other anti-sealing groups, who annually do their low rent chicken-man dance for the press.

PETA may be culturally insensitive and overwrought; the Sea Shepherd society takes first place for epic hyperbole. Earlier this year “Captain” Paul Watson – just before he took off to ram Japanese whaling ships – got into an online brawl with Terry Audla from the Qikiqtani Inuit Association, over the culling of 500 whales trapped in the ice near Pond Inlet on the northeast tip of Baffin Island.

“Every man who pulled a trigger on those whales is no different than the men who slaughtered the defenseless people in the pit at My Lai, Vietnam,” Watson wrote.

Audla wrote back that he was going home to enjoy some fresh whale meat with his family.

Here in Nunavut, the Inukshuk isn’t just a logo. It is the symbol of a people who have defied the odds and survived life in the Arctic. The seal isn’t fur profit. It is a home cooked meal, a break from astronomical grocery costs, warm winter clothing, and cultural history.

“Canada’s annual war on seals”, is what PETA calls it. It should be called “animal rights activists’ annual war on Inuit tradition.”

Audla and Aariak are both opting for a diplomatic approach; one has to wonder how you go about educating with so much prejudice arrayed against you.

Kent Driscoll is the Nunavut Reporter for APTN National News, and lives in Iqaluit. He can’t hunt to save his life, but thinks seals are both tasty and warm to wear.

Friday, April 3, 2009

4 more years

The Toronto Raptors are on a modest winning streak -- nothing like the one I saw shattered last night by the Wizards. (The Boy was watching it with me, and his question, "What's wrong with LeBron?")

Their last home game is rapidly approaching. Here is my ideal situation:

Raptors win, and as is tradition at the ACC, the post-game Player of the Game interview is done over the arena sound system.

Chris Bosh is the Player of the Game.

I would like to see Raptors fans start chanting en masse "Four more years. Four more years!" Like he was Nixon.

Simple, well known chant, that would remind CB4 that the fans in TO love him... and they bloody well should.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

WAtch our show tonight

Nunavut's 10th anniversary is the focus of my work tonight, and I'm happy with it. Very happy.

Last night, we had people remembering what they were doing on April 1st 1999.

Today, we have:

Tons of traditional games
Me getting my ass kicked by grade school kids at said events
O Canada in Inuktitut
Some politicians
Incredible throat singing

and so on. Big day for Nunavut, and I'm happy we did some justice to it.

Tomorrow, what about the next 10 years, huh?

and in the debrief, I say the words, "We'll fill your belly full of seal."

6 eastern in the south, 7 eastern in the North. Tune in.