4 more years

The Toronto Raptors are on a modest winning streak -- nothing like the one I saw shattered last night by the Wizards. (The Boy was watching it with me, and his question, "What's wrong with LeBron?")

Their last home game is rapidly approaching. Here is my ideal situation:

Raptors win, and as is tradition at the ACC, the post-game Player of the Game interview is done over the arena sound system.

Chris Bosh is the Player of the Game.

I would like to see Raptors fans start chanting en masse "Four more years. Four more years!" Like he was Nixon.

Simple, well known chant, that would remind CB4 that the fans in TO love him... and they bloody well should.

DId he just call CB4 a drag Queen?

You decide. Here is what Shaquille O'Neal had to say after beating in the Raptors brains and getting 40 pts for the first time since 2004. Bosh was complaining that the officials are slow to call 3 in the key on Shaq Daddy:

"I heard what Chris Bosh said, and that's strong words coming from the RuPaul of big men," O'Neal said. "I'm going to do the same thing (in their next meeting) I did before - make him quit. Make 'em quit and complain. It's what I do."

The RuPaul of big men.... that one may stick, he is a little delicate (he is also a derseving All-Star and a fantaastic franchise player.

For extra Shaq, he also said this:

"I think I'm the only player who looks at each and every center and says to myself, 'That's barbecued chicken down there.'

If CB4 is the RuPaul of big men, Shaquilel is the Young MC of NBA players rapping:



Or maybe the Fat Joe.....

LEAVE CHRIS BOSH ALONE FATTY...... and go have some more BBQ chicken.

Goodnight Moon

The NBA All-Star BReak saw the trading away of my least favourite Raptor, Jamario Moon, known for bad defence and taking stupid shots out of range way too early in the shot clock.

To Honour this great day in Raptor history, I am about to cruxify a classic. Enjoy:

In the General Manager's room
There was a telephone
And a red balloon
And a picture of -

Jamario Moon
And there was one Jermaine O'Neal sitting on a chair

And two Miami Heat
And a slicked back Pat Riley
And a man called the Matrix
And a young backup point guard

And a cry and a crush and a bowl full of losses
And Jose on crutches whispering hush

Goodnight room
Goodnight Moon
Goodnight O'Neal jumping over the Moon
Goodnight Reilly and the two Heat
Goodnight Matrix
Goodnight guard

Goodnight Jose
And goodnight Bosh
Goodnight losses and goodnight stupid threes
Goodnight ACC and goodnight Riley
Goodnight guards and goodnight Kopono's minutes
Goodnight nobody, goodnight mush
And goodnight to Jose on crutches whispering "hush"

Goonight stars
Goodnight air
Goodnight noises everywhere .....

Good night Moon. May the door not hit you on the ass on the way out of town.

On the other hand, Jermaine O'Neil, when that overinflated contract is up, please, come on back. You are OK in my books. You are the first player in NBA history to be thrown out of their own bobblehead night, henceforth known as Joe-Neil.

Next year's Raptors

Yes, with this season fully in the crapper, I got out a list of restricted and unrestricted free agents for next year. Let this season continue as it has, and maybe we can win the Draft Lottery.

First up, people soon to be ex-Raptors:
Jamario Moon - We can not be rid of this player soon enough. His selfish shooting has been glaring. If you can get even tempered Chris Bosh to call you out on the floor, time to hit the road Mr restricted free agent. I'd take a bag of nachos for him right now.

Will Solomon - Hope you enjoyed the cup of coffee with the Raps. See ya later.

Anthony Parker: HIs bad slump let us all know that there are few miles left on this model... class guy, but needs replacing.

Joey Graham - The only one on the FA list I would keep. If his value hasn't risen too much, I see a role for him with the club. Joey is my secret favourite, let him continue down his slow road of progress.

Now on to the sugar, who is out there? Few names have my interest....

Richard Hamilton from Detroit could be the answer to the low production out of the 2 guard spot, and would add some toughness

Shawn Marion from Miami would play the three, and would be some nice help for our three big rotation. Gives them another outlet.

Damien Wilkens from OKC can play the two or the three. I like him.

Grant Hill from Phoenix is in the middle of a career resurgance.... I'd take him for leadership alone

Now imagine a perfect world where this is the Raptors line-up:
PG - Jose Calderon
SG - Hamilton or Wilkens
SF - Marion or Hill
PF - Bosh
C - O'Neal

Bargnani plays for sixth man of the year, and Joey Graham is right off the bench behind him. Roko stays to develop, Kapono plays spot minutes, and Big Nate keeps on keepin on...

Raptors, why have you forsaken me?

In honour of the Toronto Raptors seventh consecutive loss, I did a Perez to this
photo from the Toronto Star. Feel my pain.

Actual Raptor Conversations in Our House

"Babe, I'm bringing up the kids to hate Vince Carter... is that OK?"

and

My lovely partner. "If they loose against Oklahoma, I'm not watching any more games."

Me, "Do you know how many times I've said that?"

Bosh is an All-Star

My love for the Toronto Raptors is deep and abiding, which is why I haven't been writing about them. Not much to write home about this year. 10-15 with a fired head coach and many blown leads.

Thing is, Chris Bosh deserves to be an All-Star, and China is the number one reason why he might not be.

See, there is this guy named Yi Jianlian and he is allegedly the fourth biggest celebrity in China. They allow voting for the All-Star team in China, and 1 billion Chinese are stuffing the ballot box to make sure their boy gets in.

Thing is, he plays the same position as CB4....

Whether you love the Raptors, don't want to loose to the Chinese, have a respect for fairness, have some sort of knee jerk nationalist response, or because you just want to be nice to me, vote for CB4.

VOTE HERE

Now for the Raptors. I am trying to watch all 82 games and it has been tough to sit through some of them. Here is what i would get each of them for X-mass:

New Head Coach Jay Triano: Advil, he's going to need it.

Chris Bosh: a place on the All-Star team would be my first choice, but it isn't a gift if you already deserve it. I would give him more games on ESPN, so he can stop whining about it in his blog.

Jose Calderon: Some respect, the man is third in the league in assists, hasn't missed a free throw all season long, and I still have to hear past their prime former All-Stars crack on him on NBA TV.

Jamario Moon: An electro shock collar that kicks in every time he thinks he should be shooting a three.

Jermaine O'Neal: A nice bottle of scotch to soothe his self depricating abuse. Look at him after a loss, no one is tougher on Jermaine than Jermaine. Plus, a titanium knee.

Anthony Parker: A clone, to help him get some rest when he has to defend Kobe Bryant, or whatever other All-Star quality 2 he has to defend on any given night.

Jason Kapono: A finish to the Kapono hook, which he has been displaying but not really effectively. He is going to get shots in the lane, might as well finish them.

Joey Graham: A t-shirt that says "Bad Joey Don't Live Here No More". Bad Joey is gone. One of the lone bright spots in this dismal season.

Andrea Bargnani: A consistant spot in the rotation, and some ear plugs so that he doesn't have to suffer anymore abuse at the hands of the Tornoto faithful.

Nathan Jawai: Continued good health. Glad to see the big guy not having to worry about his heart exploding.

Roko Ukic: A stylist. The NBA is the most fashionable league out there, you can't look like you just survived a shipwreck and get any respect out there.

For me, I just want a plus .500 record on this road trip. Starts tonight ahaingt the lowly two win Oklahoma City Thunder.

VOTE FOR CB4.

VOTE NOW.

Please.....